Amen V'Amen

How do you spot a guest who’s attending a Jewish wedding for the first time?

Easy: Look for people who have a confused look on their face. Those who are scratching their head, wondering:

• Why is the bride circling the groom? 🤔
• Why did the groom just break a glass? 🤔
• And why on earth are people dancing on chairs?! 🤔

There’s no doubt – Jewish weddings are different. Different traditions. Different rituals. Heck, even different wedding gifts.

But wait, it gets even more confusing…

Not only do Jewish weddings have unorthodox (or should I say, Orthodox 😉) traditions. But you’ll also notice different customs and rituals depending on the type of Jewish wedding you’re attending.

• Certain Orthodox Jewish wedding traditions are absent in Conservative and Reform ceremonies.
• Some customs are exclusive only to Ashkenazi Jews, and not practiced by Sephardic Jews.
• Even the location of the wedding matters: weddings in the US aren’t the same as weddings in Israel.

Can you blame Jewish wedding first-timers for being confused?

Well, it’s time to lift the veil of mystery…

In this Jewish wedding guide, you’ll learn what lies behind every single Jewish wedding tradition, who follows each tradition, and what exactly you should do.

If this is your first Jewish wedding ceremony: pay attention. Otherwise, you’ll be left scratching your head all night wondering what the hell is going on… and I won’t be there to save you (I wasn’t invited! 😡).

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“I call shotgun! I’m entering the Chuppah first!”

Sorry honey, it doesn’t work that way…

Just like many other traditions, Jewish wedding ceremonies have a traditional processional order. While the order may vary slightly from one Jewish denomination to another (Orthodox vs Conservative vs Reform) or even from one couple to another – most Jewish weddings pretty much follow the same order.

Here’s how it goes…

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Who signs the Ketubah?

The funny thing is, you’ll get a different answer depending on who you ask…

• Orthodox Jews will tell you one thing
• Conservative Jews will tell you another
• Reform Jews will say something else entirely

As the old joke goes: two Jews, three opinions.

But who’s “right”? (SPOILER: It’s not a question of “right” or “wrong”)

In this post, we’ll demystify it once and for all… we’ll walk through the Ketubah signing process, the witness requirements according to each group, and most importantly – who you should choose as your witness?

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When you’re busy planning your wedding in full throttle, the last thing on your mind is “gee, I should probably get my Ketubah framed”.

And you’re right – compared to the bigger wedding arrangements (like the wedding dress, food, seating arrangements, etc’), framing a Ketubah seems like a minuscule thing, doesn’t it?

Heck, a naive bride might even think: “Pfff, a Ketubah frame? Who the hell needs that?”

That is until your Ketubah is knocked over at the wedding ceremony, someone spills some Kiddush wine on it, or your 8-year-old cousin touches the Ketubah with his greasy hands from the Schnitzel he just ate…

That’s when you realize: “Gee, I wish would’ve framed my Ketubah” …

Moral of the story? Don’t neglect the little things, if the little things can come back and bite you in the as*.

So today, we’re going to apply that moral and learn how to frame your Ketubah properly 🙂

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“Why is everyone staring at me?”

• “… Is it what I’m wearing?”
• “… Is it the wedding gift I picked?”
• “… Is it something I said?”

Hear that?

That’s the sound of our inner voice living out our biggest fear: embarrassing ourselves in public.

Every time we attend an event for the very first time (like a Jewish wedding), we risk making complete fools of ourselves. We risk offending someone. We risk messing up… badly.

That’s exactly why I wrote this Jewish wedding guide: to help guests not only survive, but thrive, and have a great ol’ time at their first Jewish wedding! (and save them from public embarrassment 🙂 )

By the time you finish reading this guide, you’ll learn what you should wear, what gift to bring, what to say, what to do… and most importantly – what NOT to do.

Ready?

Let’s begin…

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What’s the first rule of Jewish weddings?

• NEVER arrive empty-handed.

What’s the second rule of Jewish weddings?

• NEVER forget rule number 1.

Glad we got that out of the way…

Now, if you decided to give money to the happy couple (the reason I highlighted the ‘if’ part, is because you can also get them an actual wedding gift… but more on that later), then the next question on your mind must be…

“How much money should I give at a Jewish wedding?”

The short answer?

You should give money in multiples of $18. The number 18 translates to “Chai” (חי), which is Hebrew for “life”. In effect, you’re wishing the couple a long and happy life.

The long answer?

Well, that’s what this post is all about 🙂

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