Jewish Wedding Ceremony: Traditions, Customs & Rituals [The Complete Guide]

How do you spot a guest who’s attending a Jewish wedding for the first time?

Easy: Look for people who have a confused look on their face. Those who are scratching their head, wondering:

• Why is the bride circling the groom? 🤔
• Why did the groom just break a glass? 🤔
• And why on earth are people dancing on chairs?! 🤔

There’s no doubt – Jewish weddings are different. Different traditions. Different rituals. Heck, even different wedding gifts.

But wait, it gets even more confusing…

Not only do Jewish weddings have unorthodox (or should I say, Orthodox 😉) traditions. But you’ll also notice different customs and rituals depending on the type of Jewish wedding you’re attending.

• Certain Orthodox Jewish wedding traditions are absent in Conservative and Reform ceremonies.
• Some customs are exclusive only to Ashkenazi Jews, and not practiced by Sephardic Jews.
• Even the location of the wedding matters: weddings in the US aren’t the same as weddings in Israel.

Can you blame Jewish wedding first-timers for being confused?

Well, it’s time to lift the veil of mystery…

In this Jewish wedding guide, you’ll learn what lies behind every single Jewish wedding tradition, who follows each tradition, and what exactly you should do.

If this is your first Jewish wedding ceremony: pay attention. Otherwise, you’ll be left scratching your head all night wondering what the hell is going on… and I won’t be there to save you (I wasn’t invited! 😡).

Before the Wedding

Let’s start from the beginning. And ironically, the ‘beginning’ starts long before you even step foot in the wedding venue.

These rituals all take place before the wedding ceremony…

Aufruf (or Shabbat Hatan)

Aufruf (Yiddish for “calling up”) is a traditional ceremony where the groom is called up for an Aliyah at the synagogue to read from the Torah. It takes place on the Sabbath before the wedding.

In non-traditional communities, the bride and groom sometimes perform the Aliyah together.

After the Torah reading, the women bombard the groom with candy – a symbol (a weird one, I know) of the sweet life they wish upon the bride and groom.

This is always a funny scene to behold. The women are trying to hit the “target” (the groom), the men are seeking cover under the tables using their Siddur as a shield, while the kids scour the floor to grab as much candy as they can.

In the end – there’s always some poor fella who gets plummeted with candy and comes of the “event” with a cute little bump on his head (trust me, I’ve been that poor fella more than once!).

Turns out “candy terror” is a real thing:).

Did You Know? Certain communities (primarily Ashkenazi) follow a similar tradition for the bride – called Shabbat Kallah (the bride’s Sabbath). But unlike the Aufruf/Shabbat Hatan, the bride doesn’t read from the Torah. Instead, the focus is on celebrating with the bride and bringing her joy before the wedding day.

Mikvah

A few days before the wedding (typically within four days of the wedding), the bride immerses herself in a Mikvah (or Mikveh), a ritual bath Jews use to purify themselves. This commandment is unique to women, although some men (particularly in modern Orthodox communities) perform the ritual as well.

The Mikvah often turns into a mini-celebration, in which the bride invites her close friends and family to join her in the ritual. The ritual bath is often followed by an intimate meal, and may even involve gifts, favors, and giveaways.

Fasting

Many Ashkenazi couples fast on their wedding day.

This custom might seem odd at first. I mean, why on earth would you fast on your wedding day?! Isn’t it supposed to be a celebration?

It sure is… and that’s precisely the reason why Jews fast.

Let me explain…

According to Jewish tradition, Jews are supposed to fast for several reasons:

• To atone for our sins (i.e Yom Kippur)
• To focus on the spiritual, and abstain from the physical
• To highlight important days or occasions

Jewish weddings fall into all three of these categories.

1. Just as Jews fast on Yom Kippur to atone for their sins, they fast on their wedding day to atone for the sins they committed when they were single, and start off their new shared life with a “blank slate”. That’s why other Yom Kippur traditions like wearing white and reciting confessions are also practiced on the Jewish wedding day.
2. Jewish weddings are, first and foremost, a spiritual connection between two souls. (I talk more about that in the Breaking the Glass section).
3. Do I really need to explain why your wedding day is an important day? 🙂

Sephardic Jews don’t fast. In fact, they take the opposite approach – they’re encouraged to feast on their wedding day. Rabbi Ovadia Yosef claimed that the wedding day is similar to a Yom Tov (Jewish holiday), so eating is not only permitted, but encouraged.

The Pre-wedding Reception (Kabbalat Panim)

If you’ve never been to a Jewish wedding before, you might think that the Kabbalat Panim is where you wish the couple Mazel Tov, eat some Hummus and have small talk with friends you haven’t seen since 9th grade. While there’s definitely some of that going on, there’s more to it than that… a LOT more.

In Orthodox Jewish weddings, the bride sits in a designated area where guests can approach her and congratulate her.

The groom holds a Tisch (Yiddish for “table”) – a table filled with food and drinks, where his friends and family gather together for a pre-wedding toast to congratulate, bless, praise and “tease” him (all in good spirit).

It’s customary for the groom to also read a portion from the Torah or share a few words of wisdom… or at least try to, until he gets interrupted by all the clapping, singing and teasing of his friends and family (again, all done in good spirit).

Finally, the Tisch is concluded with the signing of the Ketubah (more on the Ketubah signing later).

Tenaim

Tenaim is an engagement contract with a list of agreed-upon conditions that form the marriage, as well as the couple’s intention of marrying each other. It’s sometimes added alongside or as an addendum to the Ketubah.

At the Tenaim ceremony (also known as Kinyan Ceremony in Sephardic communities), the Tenaim contract is filled and signed by two witnesses – usually the same ones that sign the Ketubah (more on that next). 

The couple then recites the Tenaim (Hebrew for “conditions”) during the Kabbalat Panim or at the engagement party (vort).

Finally, the mothers of the bride and groom gather together to break a ceramic plate.

Tenaim is mostly a dated tradition, and it’s by no means required by Jewish law. Indeed, this tradition as common anymore these days. It made more sense when arranged marriages were the norm, and the bride and groom had to agree upon various familial topics: where to live, family size, financial planning, how to raise children, etc’.

Couples that still practice the tradition do it mostly for nostalgic reasons. And just like many other Jewish wedding traditions – it has been adapted and “modernized”. Different versions and variations of Tenaim documents have emerged over the years. They’re available in various formats, languages, and styles…

Ketubah Signing

Unlike the Tenaim, the tradition of signing the Ketubah is still very much practiced. Not only is it practiced, but it’s also considered one of the main highlights of the entire wedding ceremony.

The Ketubah is the traditional Jewish marriage contract. In the past, the Ketubah served as a formal contract that dictated how much the groom had to pay the bride in case their marriage ended due to divorce or death. Nowadays, the role of the Ketubah is mostly symbolic (except in Israel – where it’s still legally binding).

In traditional Jewish weddings, the Ketubah signing takes place at the Tisch, where the groom is surrounded by his close friends and family members.

The Rabbi initiates the Ketubah signing by first inspecting the Ketubah to make sure it’s valid. Once the Rabbi validates the Ketubah, the groom then agrees to take on the responsibilities outlined in the Ketubah. This is done through a process called Kinyan Chalipin (or Kinyan Sudar) – a symbolic form of transaction that doesn’t involve currency.

The process goes like this:

1. The Rabbi initiates the Ketubah signing by first reviewing the Ketubah to make sure it’s valid.
2. The groom then agrees to take on the responsibility of providing for his wife, as stated in the Ketubah.
3. The Rabbi hands the groom a handkerchief. The groom raises the handkerchief in front of the two witnesses – a sign of consent and acceptance of his responsibilities, as stated in the Ketubah. He then returns the handkerchief it to the Rabbi
4. The Rabbi completes the Kinyan Chalipin (also known as Kinyan Sudar) – a symbolic form of transaction that doesn’t involve currency – by adding the Aramaic word v’kanina (or “transaction completed”) to the Ketubah
5. The two witnesses sign the Ketubah to finalize the process and confirm that the groom has accepted the agreement (In non-Orthodox communities, the bride and groom often sign the Ketubah as well)

The traditional Ketubah is written in Aramaic – the common language used at the time the Ketubah was formed.

Modern Ketubahs are particularly stunning; they’re not just a block of text written in some cryptic language that nobody can read. More often than not, they resemble artworks more than they do marriage contracts.

Couples often frame and display their Ketubah in their home after the wedding, so it’s no surprise that this brand new “Ketubah Art” industry has gained popularity in recent years.

And it’s not just Ketubah designs, either. Over the years, additional Ketubah texts started to emerge in various Jewish circles. Nowadays, you’ll see all kinds of Ketubahs at weddings: from traditional Ketubahs, Conservative Ketubahs, Reform Ketubahs, even interfaith Ketubahs.

Veiling the Bride (Badeken)

Now that the Ketubah is signed – the groom, escorted by his father, the Rabbi and close friends, join the bride for the Badeken ceremony – the veiling of the bride (also known as “Hinuma” in Hebrew). The groom covers the bride’s face with a veil – just as Rebecca the matriarch did when Isaac, her groom, approached her before they wed.

The Badeken has several interpretations:

• It highlights the groom’s appreciation of the bride’s inner beauty.
• According to the Talmud, the veil embodies the modesty expected from a married woman.
• It emphasizes the importance of internal traits like personality and character, as opposed to physical beauty.
• The veil represents the husband’s responsibility to provide clothing and shelter for his wife.

Once the Badeken ceremony is over, the bride and groom are separated again to prepare for the Chuppah ceremony – the main highlight of the Jewish wedding ceremony, where the couple reunite again, this time to become husband and wife.

The Wedding Ceremony (The Chuppah)

Finally, we arrive at the moment of truth: the wedding ceremony.

The Jewish wedding ceremony is divided into two parts: 1) Kiddushin (“betrothal”) and 2) Nissuin (“marriage”), both of which take place under the Chuppah.

The Chuppah is the famous canopy under which Jewish couples get married. The wedding canopy consists of four poles (that are either fixed to the ground or held by people) and a cloth or a large Tallit that covers the top of the canopy. The cover is a symbol of God’s presence and protection over the Jewish couple.

Many Ashkenazi couples hold their Chuppah outside under the open sky, assuming the weather permits it. This isn’t a “thing” in Sephardic circles, although some couples may still choose an outside Chuppah just as a personal preference.

The Chuppah represents the future home the couple will build together. The four “walls” of the Chuppah are wide open – a symbol of hospitality and the welcoming of guests – similar to the hospitality that Abraham and Sarah’s showed their guests.

The contents of the Chuppah are empty: it has no furniture, no decorations, no fancy items… aside from the people inside, there’s nothing else there. This serves as a reminder that the basis of a Jewish home is the people residing inside, not material possessions.

The same goes for the bride and groom. They enter the Chuppah “bare”, without fancy Jewelry or conspicuous possessions. Again, highlighting the idea that “it’s the people, not the stuff” that matters.

In Ashkenazi communities, the groom often wears a Kittel – a long white robe, before walking into the Chuppah.

Sephardic grooms, on the other hand, wear a Tallit to the Chuppah. At the end of the ceremony, the groom wraps the bride with his Tallit – an act of unification.

The plain, white Kittel also symbolizes the bride’s focus on her groom’s personality, as opposed to his material possessions.

Both the bride and groom wear white under the Chuppah – a symbol of the purity and sanctity of the Jewish wedding ceremony. Just like on Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur, the bride and groom are awarded the opportunity to atone for their sins and start fresh. They’re now committed to start their life with a “blank slate”, and lead a joint-life based on purity, modesty, and spirituality.

As King Solomon remarked:

Jewish Wedding Processional Order

The Jewish wedding processional order looks like this:

1. The Rabbi (stands at the center of the Chuppah)
2. The bride’s grandparents (seated in the first row on the right side)
3. The groom’s grandparents (seated in the first row on the left side)
4. Groomsmen, in pairs
5. Best man, by himself
6. The groom, escorted by his parents (his mother on the right and his father on the left). The groom stands on the left side of the Chuppah
7. Bridesmaids, in pairs
8. Maid of honor, alone
9. Ring bearer and/or flower girl
10. The bride, escorted by her parents (her mother on the right and her father on the left). The bride stands on the right side of the Chuppah
11. The bride stops in the middle of the aisle. The groom then walks towards the bride, acknowledges his future in-laws, and escorts the bride to the Chuppah.

The Circling of the Groom (Hakafot)

In Ashkenazi circles, the bride circles the groom seven times, a tradition known as “Hakafot” (Hebrew for “circling”). This practice represents the building of the couple’s new home, with each circle strengthening the “walls” further.

It is believed that the circling tradition has originated from the following passage: “A woman shall circle a man” (Jeremiah 31:22)

Why 7 times?

In Judaism, the number 7 is a symbol of completeness (the seven days of creation, the holy Sabbath, the seven Patriarchs and Matriarchs, the seven Menorah branches…).

After the bride completes the Hakafot, the groom recites the Shehecheyanu blessing over a new Tallit, which is then held by four men over the couple’s heads.

Kiddushin

Now that the bride has settled next to her husband, it’s time to start the ceremony!

The first step of the wedding ceremony is Kiddushin (betrothal).

The Kiddushin stage starts with a glass of wine. The Rabbi then recites the betrothal blessings, after which the couple drinks from the Kiddush cup. Finally, the groom places the ring on the bride’s forefinger.

Unlike non-Jewish weddings, the Jewish wedding ring is made of plain gold with a solid surface – it can’t have any special ornaments or decorations. The simplicity of the ring symbolizes Judaism’s focus on modesty and emphasizes the importance of inner beauty over external beauty.

Before the groom places the ring on the bride’s finger, he declares:

After which, the attendees respond with:

This blessing is the Jewish equivalent of the wedding vows.

The couple is now officially engaged!

But wait, there’s more 😉!

Ketubah Reading

Before moving to the second and final stage of the ceremony, the Rabbi first reads the Ketubah out loud to remind the groom of his responsibilities to provide for his wife.

The Rabbi may also give a short speech or D’var Torah.

Nissuin

Now that the couple is officially betrothed, the Rabbi proceeds towards the second stage of the ceremony, the Nissuin (marriage), which marks the physical bond formed between the bride and groom.

Seven Blessings (Sheva Brachot)

In the Seven Blessings (or “Sheva Berachot” in Hebrew), the Rabbi recites a list of, well, seven blessings over the second cup of wine. In some cases, he might invite other family members to recite some of the blessings (or have them recite the English version of the blessing).

The purpose of the Sheva Brachot is to:

1. Thank God for his creation and the joy he bestowed upon us
2. Wish that the couple will rejoice together like Adam & Eve
3. Pray for the rebuilding of the Jewish Temple in Jerusalem

At the end of the seven blessings, the bride and groom drink the second cup of wine to complete the Nissuin stage of the wedding ceremony.

Breaking the Glass

Finally, the moment we’ve all been waiting for: the breaking of the glass!

Note: Some Ashkenazi communities break the glass before the Ketubah reading.

The groom recites the famous verses from Psalm 137:5-6:

The Rabbi places a glass on the floor, covers it with a cloth, and the groom stomps on the glass with all his force. Once the glass is shattered, the guests cheer “Mazel Tov” and rush over to the Chuppah to congratulate the husband and wife.

The breaking of the glass has several symbolic interpretations, with elements of both joy and sorrow (this dichotomy between joy and sorrow, light and darkness is a common theme in Judaism):

1. It represents the permanent nature of marriage. Once the glass is shattered – it’s forever, there is no going back.
2. It’s a metaphor for the two soul fragments that are reunited once again.
3. It symbolizes the destruction of the Jewish Temple, and the hope that it will be rebuilt, just as the bride and groom’s two soul fragments were reunited once again.
4. It represents the fragility of a marriage – and how it should be continuously nurtured to keep it from breaking.
5. It’s a symbol of Tikkun Olam – the Jewish idea every person has the responsibility and the ability to improve the world, even if it’s in a small way.
6. The joke version also states that this is also the last time the husband gets to put his foot down 🙂

Yichud

In Ashkenazi circles, after the ceremony is over – the couple is escorted by two close friends (often it’s the same witnesses that sign the Ketubah) to a secluded room to enjoy a few moments of peaceful “alone time” before the partying begins.

Traditionally, the couple is required to spend at least 8 minutes in the Yichud room (it normally lasts around 15 minutes). As you might expect – the Yichud room is prepared in advance so the couple can make every minute count.

The witnesses stand guard to give the couple space and make sure nobody enters the room.

If the couple has been fasting all day, then they also use this opportunity to grab a quick bite to eat and maybe enjoy a drink together for the first time as husband and wife.

The Jewish Wedding Reception (Seudah)

That’s it? Is the ceremony over? Yes, but the party is just getting started!

Originally, the “Seudah” or “Seudat Mitzvah” was a festive meal that couples held after their wedding ceremony. But over the generations, Jewish weddings have into a full-fledged party – in line with the booming wedding industry.

But as you’ll probably notice, even the wedding reception looks different in Jewish weddings…

Dancing

Save your fancy dance moves from Grease for another time – odds are they won’t do you any good in a Jewish wedding.

Aside from the typical songs you’ll often dance to at weddings, there are some atypical Jewish songs and dances you’ll witness for the first time, including the famousHoradance (also known as the “Chair Dance”).

In Orthodox weddings, the dancing (sometimes even the seating) is separated for men and women. That’s partly why the Hora dance is so popular, particularly in Orthodox Jewish weddings – it allows the couple to briefly see and “dance” with each other above the divider.

Another unique Jewish dance is the Mezinka – a dance reserved for when the youngest child in the family gets married.

The parents are seated in the middle of the dancefloor with a broom in their hands (you read that right), so they can finally “sweep” their last unmarried child out of the house. Jewish humor, anyone?

Eating & Drinking

Lots of wine is spilled in Jewish weddings. But it’s not just wine… you’ll find all kinds of Kosher alcoholic drinks (as long as it’s L’Chaimable)!

The food in Jewish weddings is Kosher (although levels of certifications may vary depending on how religious they are).

The type of food being served can vary significantly, depending on whether the couple is Ashkenazi or Sephardic, their ethnic origin, their denomination (Orthodox, Modern Orthodox, Conservative, Reform), and other factors like cost.

Birkat Hamazon (Grace After the Meal)

“OK, party’s over…time to go home.”

Wait! Don’t leave just yet! We’re almost done (plus, you’ll usually get a nice wedding favor if you stick around a bit longer).

Just like any meal where bread is served, the Seudah is concluded with the Birkat Hamazon blessing – grace after meals.

Two cups of wine are required – one for Birkat Hamazon and one for the Seven Blessings recited after.

Guests will often receive Benchers – tiny booklets with the Birkat Hamazon and other songs printed in them, so they can follow along and read the blessings. In many cases, these Benchers will be personalized and given away for the guests to keep (Yipee, free gifts!).

The grace is sometimes led by the groom – if he’s familiar with the blessings. Otherwise, it’s led by another family member or guest.

It’s customary for the same person to also recite the Seven Blessings (obviously, these can’t be recited by the groom). Or alternatively, the blessings can be distributed among multiple guests – so several of them get the chance to bless the couple.

Finally, the leader of the blessings recites the blessing over wine, pours the wine from the two glasses into another glass for the bride and groom to drink from.

After the Wedding

The wedding is over… now what? Do we just set the newlywed loose and let them “figure it out?”

Not quite…

Jewish wedding traditions don’t stop at the wedding. They carry on long after the wedding is over, to make sure that the couple’s transition to married life runs smoothly.

The end of the wedding marks the beginning of the marriage. And Judaism is more concerned about making marriage work, not just the wedding.

Several Jewish customs were put in place to provide the couple with a “soft landing” into married life.

Let’s walk through them one by one…

The Week of Sheva Brachot

(Not to be confused with the Seven Blessings recited under the Chuppah).

In the week after the wedding, it’s customary (though not mandatory) for friends and family to invite the couple over for a festive meal (usually dinner), every day for seven days. Traditionally, one of the attendees (often the groom, if he’s capable) delivers a D’var Torah. The meal is concluded by reciting the Seven Blessings (after Birkat Hamazon).

These celebratory feasts, hosted by the couple’s family and friends, are made to help the couple get used to attending social events as a married couple.

The Honeymoon

Now that the wedding is over, and the couple completed their Sheva Brachot “tour”, they’re free to embark on their honeymoon – their first trip as husband and wife.

Obviously, there’s nothing particularly Jewish about a honeymoon. Nevertheless, it’s an important aspect of every new marriage, Jewish or not.

Some couples go on their honeymoon immediately after the Sheva Brachot. Others go several weeks or months later. This is a matter of personal preference; there are no specific Jewish customs when it comes to honeymoons.

Shana Rishona (The First Year)

During the first year of their marriage, newlyweds are discouraged from spending time apart for a sustainable period of time.

The Torah highlights the importance of getting the first year “right”. This period is when the couple bonds and lays the foundations of their marriage. How they spend their first year together will set the tone for the rest of their marriage.

Jewish Wedding FAQs

Let’s finish off with a “lightning round”. In this section, I’ll answer the most common questions our readers ask us about Jewish weddings! 

How long do Jewish Wedding ceremonies last?

It depends on what you mean by “wedding ceremony”. The wedding ceremony itself – the part that takes place under the Chuppah – lasts between 20-40 minutes. The entire wedding celebration, including the wedding reception, lasts a few hours.

When are Jewish weddings held? 

Jewish weddings can be held during any day of the week, except on Shabbat and major Jewish holidays (Rosh Hashanah, Yom Kippur, Passover, Shavuot, and the first and last day of Sukkot).

Saturday night (after Shabbat) and Sunday is a common choice among Jewish couples in the US. In Israel, Thursday is also a popular choice since Friday is a partial workday in the country (due to the Sabbath).

Wedding aren’t held during the Counting of the Omer (Sefirat Haomer) – the 49 days between Passover and Shavuot, as its a period of mourning in the Jewish tradition.

The same goes for the period between 17th of Tammuz and Tisha B’Av. No celebrations, festivals or parties are held during these time periods.

What should I wear to a Jewish wedding?

Jewish weddings have a formal dress code (unless mentioned otherwise in the invitation).

For men, that means a tuxedo or suit. If you’re not a “tux guy”, then at the very least wear a buttoned shirt with long sleeves.

Men are also expected to wear a Kippah (yarmulke), during the wedding ceremony. 

For women, a modest dress is the safest choice. How modest depends on the type of Jewish wedding you’re attending.

• Orthodox Jewish Wedding: In Orthodox Jewish weddings, the appropriate attire for women is long dresses or skirts (without slits) that fall below the knee while covering their shoulders and elbows and pantyhose (or stockings). Married women are also expected to cover their hair.
• Modern Orthodox Jewish Wedding: Modern Orthodox Jews also dress modestly, but they’re often more lenient when it comes to the length of the dress, sleeve length and hair covers.
• Conservative Jewish Wedding: Although still leaning towards modest – dress codes in conservative Jewish weddings are less strict. 
• Reform Jewish Wedding: Reform Jews have no specific dress code requirements.

What gift should I give?

You’ve got two options:

1. A “physical” Gift 
2. Money

They both work. Which one you choose depends on your relationship with the couple, how well you know them and your personal preference.

If you’re getting them a gift, choose something from the couple’s gift registry. If they don’t have a gift registry, get them a gift that every young Jewish couple needs (we’ve got an entire list of wonderful Jewish wedding gifts here). 

If you’re giving money, make sure it’s in multiples of $18 (instead of $100, give $108, etc’). The number 18 is associated with the word “Chai” (Hebrew for “life”) – a symbol of a long and healthy life.

What should I say? What wishes and blessings should I use?

The most common blessing in Jewish weddings is “Mazel Tov”, which is Hebrew for “congratulations”.

Where should I sit?

On a chair…

All jokes aside,  find whether the wedding you’re attending has separated seating or not. Most Orthodox couples have separated seating (although Modern Orthodox are sometimes more lenient).

Where should I dance?

 Most Orthodox Jewish weddings also have separated dancing. So stick to your lane dancefloor and make sure you’re not trespassing! 

Conclusion

If you’re attending a Jewish wedding for the first time, many of these traditions may seem odd at first. That’s because they’re not wedding traditions, they’re marriage traditions.

It’s not about which couple throws the most glamorous wedding reception, who wears the fanciest dress or who gives the most impressive wedding presents. 

Judaism puts its emphasis on making the marriage work, not just the wedding. The wedding is just the first step in a long journey the couple is embarking on. The main goal of these traditional Jewish wedding customs is to help the couple on their journey – by turning two individuals ⇒ into one strong unit; two souls into one.

Especially in times when divorce rates are skyrocketing, where old customs are replaced by progressive ideas, where the marriage institution itself is being questioned – these seemingly outdated Jewish wedding traditions may be more important now than they ever were.

Mazel Tov 🙂